I would really want to say everything I want to say in my head, but I just can't say it directly. I get all mixed up, confused, forgetful, tongue-tied and all just piles up and then I just totally mess up and just say everything wrong. I've always wanted to just write everything, but I always have a hard time starting it, like any other things I do in life. It's not that I'm shy or hesitant on saying what's on my mind; rather I have many things to tell and discuss that I don't know where to begin. I have had chances to talk with you face-to-face, one-on-one, but I just can't bring it up. I've thought of bringing notes with me on those times, but it just feels odd and lame for me to bring a note-card on a serious talk. You see, I think of myself as more of a writer, and not a speaker. Whenever I write things, I write them using my heart and my mind. Every detail from the word use and from the structure has meaning for me. It's probably why it's very hard for me to write because I want it to be carefully crafted to convey whatever I really feel.

Is it bad...

... for me to want the world to end this year? I just don't want to deal with the future especially since I have no idea what I would do or what would become of me. In case the world does end, I do have some things I want to do before it all ends. I just hope I could do it. Would that be considered a bucket list then?

Pet Peeve #3

Cockblockers.

I need one

True that

I actually...

bought 4 donuts for $1 each instead of giving $4 donation to a monk trying to give me a book on karma... Oh boy I feel bad.

While I was walking and eating my donuts, some chick was trying to ask if I had a "moment to hear about starving children in Africa."

Oh karma don't smite me :<

Sucks

Starts off as a sweet, adorable, maternal old grandma...

Then show her true self as a monstrous, ugly, evil witch.

Pet Peeve #2

People who are full of themselves.

If only it were possible...(late All-Saints.Souls Day tribute)

Quote of the Day #14

"Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it." - Laurence Peter

Pet Peeve #1

People who are bandwagoners and people who just conform to things and go with the majority just to fit in.

RE: When a dream tries saying something to you...

I had this dream many days ago. This dream was stuck on me for like a day or two because I was thinking about its significance. There was a mix of fictional characters with real life people in this dream. There was even a random person who I don't really know that well and this person was included. I wrote about this dream now because there was something that happened recently that may tie in with this dream.
Notes
*Bold dialogue means that those were the exact dialogues that I fully remember in the dream.
* Normal font will be commentaries to explain things that weren't in the actual dream.

Well, the dream goes like this:

"Damn you, Michael! You will not get a way this time!" says a black guy in a trench coat wearing sunglasses. Behind him were a group of soldiers wearing black armor and black helmet. They were all pointing a gun at me. It seems that I was cornered by my pursuers, but all of a sudden, the wall opened up (like those hidden rolling wall doors at Scooby-Doo).

When I got to the other side of the wall, I saw 3 good of my friends, two guys and one girl. "What the heck are you guys doing here?" I asked. One of the guys, Garrett (I'll use pseudonyms to conceal their identity) yelled out "Go now, before they catch you! Jase (pseudonym) and I will hold them off. Mary (pseudonym) knows how to get around the labyrinth."

I was clueless to what is going on. While I was following Mary on the maze made with wall made of wood, I was thinking to myself. Why was those guys in black chasing after me? Why are my friends in here? What the heck are they all doing in my dream?! (yes, I could actually tell that I'm in a dream while I'm in a dream lol).

At the end of the maze, there was a down hill. Below was a black car driven by my friend Zach (pseudonym). He yelled "Get inside before they catch us."
After he said that, there was a huge explosion that came out of the exit. It came from a soldier who has an RPG. Immediately after seeing that, Mary and I ran inside the car and Zach drove recklessly.

Zach dropped both Mary and I at a motel room (yes, very random) and he said he has to go somewhere. Inside the motel room, Garrett and Jase were waiting. I asked them "Okay, what the heck is going on here?! You guys were just there and now you are here." Then again I immediately thought to myself, "well, is a dream, anything could happen." Garrett replied to me with a panicking tone, "we need to plan something out." I said, "Plan for what?" then a total blank....

I became conscious so i guess it got cut off, but when I got back to sleep, I got back in the dream (surprisingly it continued). I was now in my old elementary school. It looked just the way I last time saw it. Then, for some reason, I started running as if someone is chasing me. While i was turning in a corner, I saw a girl I knew at my high school. I recognized JQ (initials- I used it because it's so random, people reading it would not even know who it is, but I assure you, it is a real person) because of her smile but I was puzzled why she was there. Two things: one, I don't really talk to her at school so she was totally random; two, what is she doing in my elementary school, which was an all-guys school in the Philippines, miles and miles away.

After that random meeting, I ended up in my elementary's school clinic. Everything was so white, it was blinding me. To my surprise, Zach and Mary were there waiting for me. I asked them what is going on, but Zach ignored my question. He then said that he has to go somewhere again and he had to leave Mary and I there.

Well, after he left, Mary and I sat down on a bench. We watched injured people coming in the clinic. Mary leaned her head to my head. I felt hesitant at first because it was very unlikely for her to do that. Then she whispered to me in a sweet, soft voice,"I can't be with you. I hope you understand. Just move on without me." Tears came out through my eyes. The weird thing is, I did not feel remorse when she said that. (Another weird thing is, when I woke up, tears were running in my eyes. After that, I just laid down on my bed and recalling what happened in the dream.)

Why I hate fall and winter...

Quote of the Day #13

"I think, therefore I am." -Rene Descartes

There's always a reason...

...Why I feel what I feel. Everybody is entitled to feel their own feelings. The big question though is:

What did you do to make me feel this way?

Don't blame everything on other people, because you know that you contributed to whatever I'm feeling. Are you afraid that you actually are at fault? You afraid history will repeat itself, or are you intentionally doing this for history to repeat itself?

A rock doesn't move by itself, unless a force moves it.

Quote of the Day #12

"It's better to have a horrible ending than to have a horror without an end."

Quote of the Day #11

"It's not the destination that matters, but the journey itself."

Doesn't it...

....dishearten you when you put a lot of effort on something, expecting that something good will turn out from it, but it actually, you will not get anything from it in the end but pain and false hope?

Is it wrong for me to expect my efforts to be reciprocated equally?

Is it wrong for me to feel bad when I feel neglected or treated with less priority?

Is it wrong for me to accuse you of not putting enough effort in this commitment?

Is it wrong for me to doubt you, your intentions and your dedication to this?

Can't you think logically?

Can't you ask yourself "what would he think..." or "what would he do... or "what would he want..."?

Can't you feel? Are you that dense or are you really that selfish that you only think of yourself?

I see where your loyalties lie, and it's not me who you'd choose in the end.

As for the others, THANKS for being VERY supportive and being SUPER optimistic. Hope you guys feel good for all these AWESOME sentiments... FUCK YOU ALL...

so much for a special 100th post.

Bad week is bad

Early Summer Vacation Syndrome.

-Bad week to feel bad and unmotivated...

--Keep your head up kid. 3 more grueling weeks to endure.

-I want a break.

-- You just had a break last weekend. Keep your eyes on the prize.

- Whatever.

-- The sooner you get things done, the sooner you can relax.

- I'm winning this right now by making you write in the blog right now.

-- Well, this is it. Time to hit the books.

Quote of the Day #10

"Step by step and pace by pace, a little patience will win the race." - I first heard it from Granny from Baby Looney Toons (cartoon)

Quote of the Day #9

"Give credit where credit is due."

Quote of the Day #8

"Luck is when opportunity meets preparedness." -first heard from Mr. Bailey, my AP US History teacher

Quote of the Day #7

"If you've never failed, you've never lived."

I wonder if I'd excel as a detective...

I seem to have the qualities needed to be one.

Quote of the Day #6

"I'm sorry."- anybody who did not fulfill others' expectations

Girls.

I feel like they're more attractive when guys are heartbroken lolz.

Maybe it can be explained by neuronal activity or neurotransmitters... anything. I feel that they are correlated.

Quote of the Day #5

"To be, or not to be. That is the question..." -Hamlet

Quote of the Day #4

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."- Matthew 26:41